Ysbryd Iawn o Ryfeddod

Part XII

7 Years Ago

A girl with Auburn hair like redeemed blood was walking along a sidewalk. School and social life and home life were a weight above her shoulders. Some thin string like a silver hair kept it from crushing her. Every once and a while the string would slip and the weight would make her fall to her knees. She was waiting for the day when the string would sever and be reeled back up to heaven and the rock would crush her into hell. She was twelve years old and perhaps had not thought all of this out, but her feelings were no less real from not being articulated.

Only few things helped her forget the Juggernaut: her best friend’s older sister's notes from her college Old Testament class, hardcore music, and photography.

She did not understand most of what the OT notes meant, but that was exactly why she liked them. The words and concepts were so foreign from her atheist-barely-literate-family that they were marvelous; wonderstruck. it reminded her that the world was bigger than her problems. people were living who thought completely different from her. that meant her tragedies could not last. she could keep going. once again she had probably had not thought all this out, but she still would have known what you meant if you had told all this to her.

Hardcore music was a more obvious medicine. It was loud and energetic and raw, and it brought outside what was inside, giving her release. Allowing all the combustible feelings and thoughts to escape before they ran into each other a little too hard and exploded like a grenade or even a hydrogen bomb.

She loved light. She loved watching movies and looking at and taking photographs where light was shown in all its glories. She saw this in black and white pictures and in the movie Pride and Prejudice and even in anime films and T.V. shows where light and shadows were enhanced; in M. Night Shamylan movies like Signs, Unbreakable, Lady in the Water, the Happening, the Sixth Sense; in Alice in Wonderland. In the Matrix. Nothing was more beautiful than the living light glimmering from the viridescent leaves.

The concept of beauty making life worth living was not alien to her mind.

A crimson leaf flitted down in front of her alighting on the sidewalk like a first kiss. She reached down and was about to pick it up when she yanked her hand back. Someone had written on it in very small letters with jet black ink. After she realized it was writing and not a spider she picked it up.

“Beloved Eleora, reflect the Sun”

Somewhat cheesy perhaps, but if cheesy was not sweet as well chick flicks would not be near so popular. She wondered if Eleora had ever seen this, or if she carried it with her always and it had got blown away. Who gave it to her? Or who meant to give it to her? Her father? Brother? Mother? Sister? Lover? Friend? What was the story behind this leaf and its perhaps cheesy but still lovely message. Any message with Beloved in it was beautiful. She knew that full well. She longed to be called that.

She tucked the leave into her pocket. Later she encased it in wax paper so it would stand the test of time.

Forest by Number One Gun

As you take off your bandage
ask yourself if you're alright now
take a break from the world and all the ones you love
let it out as you yell it
might as well cause you're all alone
name in vain while you're at it
feels so good

I've said a lot of things, I've done it all, but not this
I got to figure out why the world is so big

While you hide in the forest
you engage w/ the animals
gathering all around you is what you wanted all along
through the secrets and knowledge
and opinions from all around
when the sky turns to water, you'll know what to do

I've said a lot of things, I've done it all, but not this
I got to figure out why the world is so big
I've gone way way out, way out of bounds
I'll do anything, tell me how

I'll tell you to get by, My side (x7)
I'll tell you to get by

I've said a lot of things, I've done it all, but not this
I got to figure out, why the world is so big (x2)
I've gone way way out, way out of bounds
I'll do anything, tell me how.